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Medical slangs.

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· 404 moment - The point in a doctor's ward round when medical records cannot be located. Comes from HTTP 404 error "Not Found".

· Agnostication - A substitute for prognostication. Term used to the describe the usually vain attempt to answer the question: "How long have I got, doc?"

· Appy - a person's appendix or a patient with appendicitis

· Ash cash - UK peculiarity of house officers obtaining payment for signing cremation forms

· Baby Catcher - an obstetrician

· Bagging - manually helping a patient breathe using an Ambu bag attached to a mask that covers the face

· Bash cash - UK peculiarity of Registrars obtaining payment for medical reports on patients who have allegedly been assaulted

· Blamestorming - Apportionment of blame after the wrong leg or kidney is removed or some other particularly egregious foul-up.

· Blood Suckers/Leeches/Vampires - those who take blood samples, such as laboratory technicians and Phlebotomists

· Bounceback - a patient who returns to the emergency department with the same complaints shortly after being released

· Bury the Hatchet - accidentally leaving a surgical instrument inside a patient

· CBC - complete blood count; an all-purpose blood test used to diagnose different illnesses and conditions

· CNS-QNS - Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient.

· Code Brown - a faecal incontinence emergency. Often used by nurses and medical technicians requesting help cleaning up an unexpected bowel movement.

· Code Yellow - a patient who has lost control of his or her bladder

· CTD - "Circling The Drain" May also mean "Certain To Die"

· DBI - "Dirt Bag Index", and multiplies the number of tattoos by the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.

· Departure lounge - geriatric ward

· DIC - Death Is Coming, Death In Cage - used by veterinarians describing the complications of Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation

· Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery

· Disco biscuits - refers to the nightclub drug ecstasy. Usage: "The man in cubicle three looks like he's taken one too many disco biscuit".

· DNR - do not resuscitate; a written request made by terminally ill or elderly patients who do not want extraordinary efforts made if they go into cardiac arrest, a coma, etc.

· Doc in a Box - a small health-care center, usually with high staff turnover

· Donorcycle - nursing slang for a motorcycle, so named due to the amount of head trauma associated with motorcycle accidents, but less so with the body, making the perfect candidate for organ donation

· FLK - "Funny Looking Kid - for genetic quirks or inbreeding.

· Foley - a catheter used to drain the bladder of urine

· Freud Squad - the psychiatry department

· FTD - Fixin' to Die

· Gas Passer - an anesthesiologist (also Gasser, Gas Man or Gaswallah)

· GI Rounds - medical staff taking a break to eat lunch/dinner

· GOMER - "get out of my emergency room" - a patient, usually poor or elderly, in the emergency room with a chronic, non-emergency condition.

· GLM - good looking mum

· GPO - "Good for Parts Only “

· GROLIES - Guardian Reader Of Low Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt.

· GSW - gunshot wound

· Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag

· Hasselhoff - a term for any patient who shows up in the emergency room with an injury for which there is a bizarre explanation. Oringial Source: Baywatch actor David Hasselhoff, who hit his head on a chandelier while shaving. The broken glass severed four tendons and an artery in his right arm.

· LOBNH - ("Lights On But Nobody Home) or the impressively bogus

· MI - myocardial infarction; a heart attack

· M & Ms - mortality and morbidity conferences where doctors and other health-care professionals discuss mistakes and patient deaths

· MVA - motor vehicle accident

· NAD - Not Actually Done

· NFN - "Normal For Norfolk", (a rural English county stereotypically associated with inbreeding.)

· O-sign - A patient is "giving the O-sign" who is is very sick, lying with his mouth open. This is followed by the Q-sign - when the tongue hangs out of the mouth - when the patient becomes terminal.

· Oligoneuronal meaning someone who is thick (not smart).

· PAFO - "Pissed And Fell Over"

· Pumpkin positive refers to the idea that a person's brain is so tiny that a penlight shone into their mouth will make their empty head gleam like a Halloween pumpkin.

· Q-sign - see O-Sign

· Rear Admiral - a proctologist

· Rheumaholiday - rheumatology (considered by hard-pressed juniors to be a less busy department)

· Rule of Five - means that if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance of survival.

· Slasher - surgeon

· Shotgunning - ordering a wide variety of tests in the hope that one will show what's wrong with a patient

· Stat - from the Latin statim, meaning immediately

· Testiculation - Description of a gesture typically used by hospital consultant "when holding forth on subject on which he or she has little knowledge". Gesture is of an upturned hand with outstretched fingers pointed upwards, clutching an invisible pair of testicles.

· TEETH - tried everything else, try homeopathy.

· Tox Screen - testing the blood for the level and type of drugs in a patient's system

· TTFO - Told To Fuck Off.

· TTR - Tea Time Review

· UBI - "Unexplained Beer Injury"

· Woolworth's Test - Anaesthetic term (if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic)

I've been tagged!

Finally!! Finally!! Big thanx and a hug to 'My Very Own space', who finally gave in to all the subtle hints ive been dropping at her to tag me. U don believe me? click! and check what she says about me too at the end! *blowing nails uncertainly*

man its hot in here!. [:-)] k anyways. here goes nothing!

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it:

a) A scar beside my left eye, caused when my bro tried to stifle me, when I dint move for him to play ‘Brian Lara cricket’.

b) A linear hairless patch on my scalp [13 stitches] caused by my bro pushing me a ‘little’ too strongly when I was riding a tricycle, resulting in me flying at low altitudes and banging my head on the edge where the kitchen wall and the dining room wall met.

c) A long scar on my left elbow which still reminds me of my first and last attempt at riding a bicycle without handlebars. [5^th std] Bro dared me to do it.

d) A scar on my right eye brow when my bro challenged me for a race at Kumarakom bird sanctuary park. The objective was to find ‘any’ bird and inform mom and dad bout it, cos everyone was mighty pissed at having given 50 Rs at the entrance to see riotous hordes of crows everywhere. I was the first (obviously) to find some swans, and getting excited, dint see a barbed wire fence on the way. It stabbed my eyebrows, and I was left hanging on to it, swinging like a pendulum. My cold blooded bro came over, stared at me dangling from my eye brows, stared at the sympathetic group of swans a distance away, and started running back shouting, “Amma, Flamingoes! Flamingoes!”

e) And finally when I was a toddler, I fell headfirst into an Indian closet. It hasn’t been officially proved yet whether my bro was responsible or not. But I’m sure. The impostor who was the house surgeon at casualty medical college [my college] that night, managed to convince my dad, it wasn’t necessary to put a stitch, which resulted in a permanent hairless scar above my upper lip. [one of the two reasons why I don’t grow a moustache]. I’m all set to scar some poor kid for life next year. *rubbing hands* *devilish grin*

Yea I’m the stichman! I’m kind of a big deal [:-)] I got stitches all over my body - 47 i think, a lot of them omitted cos my bro’s contribution hasn’t been proven yet. A quarter of them are on my scalp, which is one reason why I won’t get a Gajini cut. The supposed question mark incision to drain the supposed subdural hematoma of aamir khan in Gajini [yea im impressed with me too] will have a lotta deviant incisions making it look more like a lobotomy incision. That would be stupid. Hence no Gajini cut for me!

P.s : I’ve cut my tongue into half too, but that was an absorbing suture which left no scars. Hence I wont explain.

P.s : This is my famous bro.

Well that was what I wish he was. This is really him. Don’t be a pussy! Click!

2. What does your phone look like?

Ooooooh my baby - Sony Ericson k790i. It fell once! , just once! 6 weeks after I bought it. Now most of the time u need to call twice to talk to me, the first call is charged too, nice ehh?

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

wait! Lemme count. 73 posters.-1 band poster each of ‘red rain’ and ‘backstreet boys’, 3 demotivational posters and the rest random funny and inspirational stuff I got from the net and printed out, 2 X-rays of my dad from a checkup [1 chest, 1 abdomen – for reference :) ], 2 of my ECG’s that are there to remind me I’m normal, an athletics jersey from school with my name on it, a circular placard of my band that our drummer once made, an original leather whip from Agra, an Inca/Mayan/Aztec (?) mask, 4 Tata Safari magazine ads that I found funny 4 yrs back, a ghost that glows in the dark, 2 Jesus Christ’s from St Xavier’s church Goa [its fashionable], a dart board with three darts at bulls eye, about 50 nightglow stars on the ceiling and walls, a mirror with 4 painted outlines of my hands pasted in paper on it, a large clock, and 2 black wall boards that I made with thermocol with a lotta photographs and other stuff pinned on to it. Yeah that should be it! Im proud! *beaming* And unless you are a real good friend of mine, you are not entering my room.

4. What is your current desktop picture?

An awesome picture of a monkeys red ‘heart shaped’ ass with ‘I’ and ‘U’ on either side.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
If both the chicks are hot, hell yeah!!!! :)

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

I got my orange steth for Christmas. That leaves me with just the katana, an external hard disk for all my movies, a refresher course for all the past 4 yrs of med school I wasted, 2 gb ddr1 ram, a converse allstar shoes, and Scrubs all 8 seasons. Bas!

7. What time were you born?

12.14 am. Friday. 11^th October 198_

10. Last person who made you cry?

Does myself count? [:-)] Forrest gump in the scene when he talks to jenny on the grave. Or the climax scene of central do brasil. Fuck u! I cried at the sheer beauty of it all. I don’t remember which I watched last though. Both were like 5-6 years back.

11. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?

Lomax Pour Perfume by Lomani for Men. This is the only one I ever used, thanks to one of my bros girlfriends finally having the guts to do something about his 'oh so nice' body odor. And guess wat? He gifted it to me to help me with mine. They split.

I just love Old spice deo’s, and park avenue ‘good morning’ deo.

12. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?

Hair color – jet black hair which looks oh so nice and dark brown and soft in sunlight,

Eye color – Blue, Turquoise , lightest brown.

13. What are you listening to?

Staind – epiphany. Last song was fur elise. Next song is Jeff Buckley- Hallelujah. Yes Im depressed!

14. Do you get scared of the dark?

Used to till about u.k.g. Everynight I used to sleep under the light till someone came and offed it. But most of the time I wouldn’t sleep cos I was sure someone was spying on me from my bro’s dark room. Then one night after watching some action movie [I cant decide if it was rocky 1 or first blood] , while the credits (with loud dramatic music) was scrolling up on the tv downstairs, I marched bare chest into the dark room, ready to pounce upon anyone hiding there. The beast fled I guess. Then I carried it to the next level and switched my light off too. Been sleeping soundly in the dark ever since. Rocky rocks!

15. Do you like painkillers?

I use disprin occasionally. Its sweet.

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Not at all. If the girl is smart, yes! Very.

17.If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

A Cadburys dairy milk family pack. A platter full of beef dragon. A platter full of pineapple cheese cubes, A sex on the beach fountain.

18.Who was the last person who made you mad?

Paz vega. Madly in love!!!

19.Who was the last person who made you smile?

Caesar barking at roaming goats in the neighbours compound 2 minutes ago.

oh And i tag Another blogger! No expectations at all :)